Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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