I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's never too late to be topless.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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