my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
