dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
