i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize