Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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