i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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