I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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