a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize