I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize