I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
