Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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