All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
