i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
