it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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