i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it hurts more in the daytime
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
foreskin is a definite game changer
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
