so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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