i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
