i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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