i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
