I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
