I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
