Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
