My first STD was from a foam party
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
