God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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