He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
