Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
