my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
