We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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