You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
