Your mouth is God's brothel.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
