I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
