Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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