smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My dick has a subreddit
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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