We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
