Soap is not a condiment
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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