Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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