After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
