i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
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