If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize