I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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