I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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