I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
