is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize