I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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