i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
