Say something about gay babies.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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