He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize