i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
