apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
