dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize