Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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