If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
NoShamevember. You game?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
