i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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