on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
whose parrot is this?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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