The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
