I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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