Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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