If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
