i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
