what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
