she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize
