He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
