I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize