Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
