I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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