this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
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