let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
