New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
