DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
