Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
