somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
