the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
