remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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