I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
my liver is dry heaving
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
