I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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