I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
