Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
