Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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