Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
