we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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