Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
