I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
