You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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