so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize