The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
