***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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