so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
