my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
This is the high leading the old right now
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have already put on my inside pants.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
