My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize