If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
