He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm bleeding and have questions
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
