sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
