i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
