Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
