why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
