I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
