he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
