Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize