Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
