just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
